woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
