how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
