i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you inspire me to be a worse person
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
