____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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