Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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