I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i've created a new STD.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
