dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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