Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
