Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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