apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
