That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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