brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
