new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
