my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have fence marks all over my body
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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