I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
