it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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