Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
