hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
