Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
