I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
