I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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