How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
