Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
