I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
