Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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