Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
