i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
