chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
