Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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