apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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