I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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