Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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