It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
