Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
