I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
