the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
