It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No...this little piggys going to the bar
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
