I heard we made out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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