Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
