sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
