She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
