Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this just has baby written all over it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
