My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
