I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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