it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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