It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
