now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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