I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
