doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
