I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
