I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My friends, they love my intelligence
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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