Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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